My Personal Story of Believing Into God

Thoery of life

I grew up in main land China, an environment where people learn to survive on their own, without acknowledging the existence of the all-mighty God who created the world and us in the first place. I too started to construct my own philosophy of the world, the origin of the universe, the purpose of life, the meaning of life, and the life after. I could not figure it all out, but was somehow able to construct a skeleton and get through most of the life situations. Life was treating me fairly well; I went to the best engineering university in China; came to one of the most prestigious graduate schools in the world, to study my favorite topic, electrical engineering. I felt my philosophy was working all right.

I came to know the existence of Bible and Christianity soon after I arrived Berkeley, but it was not until I met Yan, my wife, 4 years ago, that I began really studying the Bible and attending church services. I questioned myself: why do I need a new theory of life? From studying the Bible, and from knowing the joyful lives of Christian people, I acknowledged that the Bible is full of wisdom of life, and those people who believe in God must be able to lead a joyful life, but again, I question myself, is it for me?

Glass of water

From my academic background, I tend to be skeptical about any theory one might propose. I have long thought that there need to be two tests before one can accept a theory. Suppose someone tells you that if you hold a glass full of water and tilt it, the water will pour down to the ground instead of going upwards. How do you decide whether to believe this? (1) First, you can just try it. Do it yourself and see if the water pours down; do it again at a different time and place; do it many times and if it repeatedly follows what the theory predicts, then it passes the first test. (2) Some people stop here, and accept the theory, but I need a second test, that is, I need to find a theoretical proof that demonstrates the underlying principle for why water must come down instead of going up. In this case, the law of physics from Newton would show me that any two objects will assert forces to attract any other object surrounding it, and the magnitude of the force depends on the masses of the two objects and the distance between them.

Since the Bible claims that it is the truth, and the only truth, I wanted to find such a theoretical proof that can demonstrate that. I searched that for 4 years. I read books; I argued with many people; I found myself sitting on a train watching people enjoying a meal on another train running parallel to my own train.

Learning to swim

On Sep. 11th, 2009, in a gospel gathering on Columbia campus, the Spirit came upon me. All of a sudden, I came to the realization that a theoretical proof for life does not exist! With the limitation of the logic of mankind, one can never find a logical proof that demonstrates the ultimate truth of life. Back to the example of water, even the law of physics from Newton cannot explain why the force has to be relational to the masses of the object and their distance; nor does it explain the origin of the forces. The law of physics itself has in fact needed correction a few times, from the theory of relativity to the quantum mechanics. I realized that the only way to find out the truth of life, is to open my heart and experience the truth.

This reminded me when I first learned how to swim. Our teacher taught us on the land how we should maneuver our arms and legs, and why it should be so. We nodded our heads and accepted the theory but still did not know how to swim. It was not until we actually jumped into the water, and tried to stay afloat, that we really started to learn. I now think that this is the only way to experience and learn the theory of life.

Building a new house

And so, I was baptised on that day. Since I became baptised, I have felt like I am building a new house. Like the scripture says, "He is like a man building a house, who dug and went deep and laid a foundation on the rock." (Luke 6:48) I have discovered that my previous house did not adhere to the construction regulations, so that when the torrent comes, it would collapse badly. I am trying to dig deep into the muck, digging out my old beliefs, ambitions, and philosophies, and replacing them with God's word, because that is the rock, and that is the foundation for the house of life.

Reading God's word is no longer a torture; it has become so enjoyable! I feel the words just jumping out from the paper, every time I open the Bible. I just look forward to opening the Bible every morning, because it makes me so refreshed.

Hiking

If I have to use one word to describe the experience of a Christian life so far, I would say "relief". Like when I go on a hiking trip, I used to worry a lot. I would remind myself to bring the map, bring food, bring water, and a lot of water; best if we had GPS as well. I would worry that situations might happen, and we might get lost in the woods, or starve, or become dehydrated. Isn't it so for life as well? We worry about our job, our career, our bank account, our weight, every worst thing that might happen in our future, everyday.

Not any more! Never in a time of my life have I felt so relieved and so well equipped. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes into Him would not perish but would have everlasting life.” (John 3:16) I feel relieved because my future is no longer in my own hands, but in God’s hands; because Jesus died for us to redeem our sins; because every reason for us to worry has become a reason to draw us closer to God. I feel God is our GPS; God is our supply; God will lead us in the best way possible into our future. I am looking forward to enjoying and tasting God even more in the future.

Footnote: This article was written by me in Dec. 2009. Now it is published here for the first time, as a testimony of God's work in my own personal life.